Xbox One: T-That's It. No, Really, There's Nothing Else. What Did You Expect?

     Today, amid an hour of pandering to a very particular, notably non-gamer crowd, Microsoft presented Xbox One. Thankfully they had the good grace to give us both a look at the box (I'm looking at you, Sony) and the specs. Things don't look particularly bad on the hardware side- I mean, it could always be worse-

*ahem*

and then promptly returned to a regular programming of sports games, TV, sports TV, fantasy sports- oh, but for you gamers out there (the people that Microsoft is sadly obligated to pretend to have an affinity for) don't worry. Don't you worry your pretty little heads one bit, because Microsoft has you covered. with Quantum Break, a video game about TV, and a new Halo game- er, wait, no, that was a TV show too.

Why? Why. Let me clarify- WHY? WHHYYYYY

Let us pretend, for a moment- that Microsoft actually understood their acutal demographic (when I use the term "actual", I mean people who would actually buy an Xbox in the first place). No, wait, let's not pretend that, because after today's conference, I can't even begin to theorize what that would look like. They were announcing the new Xbox- despite their attempts to make it seem otherwise, it is a machine that is still at heart a game console- because it is a game console BRAND- and what did they show? Fifty percent TV and movies, twenty-five percent sports, and the rest of their time filled embarrassingly by pseudo-games. Besides, of course, their only hardcore mention...

Clerpty Derpty: Ghersts.

NOW YOU CAN HAVE A DOG AND ADVANCED FISH AI.

I give up. I just pray that they have something to show at E3- Not that I think that would make up for this horrendous presentation.